Five people desperately try to explain the cartoons that sell us food. You know Chester Cheetah totally vapes.
The Jolly Green Giant
Jean-Luc: Is that his name or his nickname I wonder. Because terrible, if either.
Chelsea: Sexy legs, probs does a lot of lunges and shit.
Grace: So in his world the ground is made of his flesh, I guess?
Jean-Luc: How many farm hands do you think he's killed just walking around?
Joanna: He obviously cannot sit down in that outfit.
Alexis: I've been wondering a lot about cartoon dicks this week and I stand by my line of questioning when I wonder where the dick's at.
Grace: Yeah that was my first question. If he has a dick, how’s he hiding it?
Jean-Luc: He's got a great dancer body.
Joanna: Is he made of vegetable?
General Mills / Via greengiant.com
Mr. Peanut
Joanna: Why is he so fancy?
Jean-Luc: Mr. Peanut dresses for the job he wants, which is president of the Fancy Nuts Club.
Alexis: He sells other peanuts to people to eat.
Grace: Is the cane for walking or dancing?
Jean-Luc: I wish so badly one day that I was rich enough to own a hat that FUCKING HAD MY NAME ON IT.
Joanna: I just feel like he thinks he's better than me.
Chelsea: Mr. Peanut doesn't live by your rules.
Alexis: He wears SPATS for fuck's sake.
Jean-Luc: I like that Mr. Peanut has one bad eye.
Joanna: What happened to him? Did he get in a nut fight and lose one of his peanut eyes? What aggressive nut attacked him? An almond?
Kraft Foods / Via planters.com
Kool-Aid Man
Grace: Well, first of all, I'll just say it. That's blood.
Chelsea: It's definitely blood.
Joanna: So he's a big pitcher of blood.
Chelsea: He's just walking around with an open wound
Alexis: His nose and his eyes are the same.
Jean-Luc: His four fingered hands.
Joanna: Do we think he abuses steroids?
Jean-Luc: I'm never clear how tall he is. Is he like 8 feet tall?
Joanna: He is 80 feet tall.
Kraft Foods
Lucky the Leprechaun
Alexis: Another time we're supposed to cheer on children who are trying to steal this man's life work.
Jean-Luc: He dresses like he lives in an old-timey London train station.
Chelsea: I feel like he was captured and this is what he's being forced to do until he pays off his debt.
Alexis: I think he lives a life of fear. When was the last time he slept? They're after his Lucky Charms.
Grace: I’ve definitely dated this guy.
Joanna: What's he like on a date?
Grace: Really paranoid. Couldn't hold a conversation.
General Mills
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