This ranking is definitive. And by definitive, I mean entirely opinion-based.
However, we are excluding;
– The rolls, because they are just masses of bread.
– Healthy eating, because they're basically the same as the regular versions.
– Finest, because they're the sandwiches of the bourgeoisie.
– Limited editions, because they're pretty hard to find most of the time.
Just Chicken
This is the abyss, the blank void of the universe in the form of a reasonably-priced sandwich. It's impossible to even read the name without imagining it being mumbled, sadly, by an ageing, recently divorced man in a T-shirt that's going at the neck, in an empty flat. "Just chicken," he sighs, before turning to look at the last picture he ever took of her. "No mayo," he murmurs, trying to switch on Sky Sports News, before remembering it's not on Freeview any more, and settling for a Top Gear rerun from 2005.
West Country Cheddar & Pickle
How, in the name of all that is good in this world, does this simple cheese sandwich contain 75% of your daily saturated fat allowance? HOW?
Sausage, Bacon & Egg Triple
This is the cheekiest Tesco sandwich. It has the most banter. But no one needs this to be a triple. This is a spectacularly unnecessary triple. It feels like what you want on a hangover, but as you chew through lumps of hard sausage buried in a half-loaf of bread, you realise, much too late, that that feeling was wrong.
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