May the lards be ever in your flavor…
Packaged Potato Chips
Charisma: 0
Uniqueness: 0
Taste: 3
Je ne sais quoi factor: 0
Total: 3
Verdict: Potato chips from a package are literally the laziest side dish. The only acceptable reason to eat them is if you're at your stepdaughter's soccer game and you're so bored there's nothing to do but eat garbage.
Side Salad
Charisma: 0
Uniqueness: 2 (well, it's not a potato?)
Taste: 1
Je ne sais quoi factor: 1
Total: 4
Verdict: Why on earth would anyone order a side salad with a burger? You're already clogging your arteries with red meat and grease. Who are you trying to fool?
Crinkle Fries
Charisma: 1
Uniqueness: 3 (for the shape)
Taste: 1
Je ne sais quoi factor: 1
Total: 5
Verdict: You'll eat them if they're there on your plate, but crinkle fries are starchy and unexciting.
Cole Slaw
Charisma: 2
Uniqueness: 2 (for the shape)
Taste: 2
Je ne sais quoi factor: 3
Total: 9
Verdict: A good cole slaw is a special treat, but most of the time you're just getting wet cabbage. Great slaw is too rare, thus a lower ranking.
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