Thursday, 31 October 2013

A Definitive Ranking Of Every Burger Side

May the lards be ever in your flavor…


Packaged Potato Chips


Packaged Potato Chips


Charisma: 0

Uniqueness: 0

Taste: 3

Je ne sais quoi factor: 0

Total: 3



Verdict: Potato chips from a package are literally the laziest side dish. The only acceptable reason to eat them is if you're at your stepdaughter's soccer game and you're so bored there's nothing to do but eat garbage.


Flickr: williac


Side Salad


Side Salad


Charisma: 0

Uniqueness: 2 (well, it's not a potato?)

Taste: 1

Je ne sais quoi factor: 1

Total: 4



Verdict: Why on earth would anyone order a side salad with a burger? You're already clogging your arteries with red meat and grease. Who are you trying to fool?


Flickr: mortonfox


Crinkle Fries


Crinkle Fries


Charisma: 1

Uniqueness: 3 (for the shape)

Taste: 1

Je ne sais quoi factor: 1

Total: 5



Verdict: You'll eat them if they're there on your plate, but crinkle fries are starchy and unexciting.


Flickr: dukekim


Cole Slaw


Cole Slaw


Charisma: 2

Uniqueness: 2 (for the shape)

Taste: 2

Je ne sais quoi factor: 3

Total: 9



Verdict: A good cole slaw is a special treat, but most of the time you're just getting wet cabbage. Great slaw is too rare, thus a lower ranking.


Flickr: paxsimius




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